


To Feel Your Heart As It's Keeping Time

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Season 4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Season/Series 04, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29119608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: It happens suddenly. One moment, Buck is right there behind him as they make their way out of the building. The next the world is shaking beneath them, and just as suddenly as Buck was there, he’s gone.Or, when Buck gets trapped, Eddie worries, and feelings come to light.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 601
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	To Feel Your Heart As It's Keeping Time

**Author's Note:**

> Minor spoilers for season 4, in that I used a line from the promo for Eddie. Other than that it's just my brain taking things and running with them. 
> 
> Title comes from the song Stay Alive by José González

It happens suddenly. One moment, Buck is right there behind him as they make their way out of the building. The next the world is shaking beneath them, and just as suddenly as Buck was there, he’s gone. Eddie runs towards the place he disappeared. But all that’s left is a massive hole. Eddie can’t see much through the dust and layers of debris that fell in along with Buck. 

“Buck! BUCK!”

“Eddie,” Bobby says, far more calmly than he has any right to sound. “Eddie, come on.”

“I’m not leaving him,” Eddie says. “He’s down there, Cap. We have to get to him!”

“And we will,” Bobby says. “But for now, the building is still too unstable. We need to go out and…”

“Leave him?” Eddie says, looking away from the hole for the first time to glare at Bobby. “You want to _leave him_?”

“We need to regroup and form a plan,” Bobby says. “You know that. It’s procedure.”

“Screw procedure,” Eddie snaps. “That’s Buck down there, Bobby.”

“I _know,_ ” Bobby says. For a moment, his mask falls. And it’s not Captain Nash here with him, but Bobby. Their friend. The man that’s like a father to Buck. “I do. I know how much he means to you, Eddie. We are going to do everything we can to get him back. But I can’t do that if I’m worried about you throwing yourself down there after him.”

Eddie’s thought about it. He probably would have if Bobby hadn’t grabbed him. His own safety be damned. But getting himself hurt or killed won’t help Buck. Bobby’s right. They have to be smart about this.

“What do we need to do?” Eddie asks.

A crowd has gathered outside the building by the time they make it out. Most are other first responders, but there are other onlookers too, as well as the press. Eddie barely pays them any mind. His thought is only in one place. 

He reaches for the radio at his hip and tries to reach Buck again, hoping this time he’ll get through. That wherever Buck is, his radio is still working, and he can hear him. “Buck, it’s Eddie. Can you hear me?” Silence. “Buck?”

There’s static on the other end before Buck’s voice comes through, and Eddie feels as if he could fall over with relief at just the sound of it. “I’m here. I have the last victim," Buck's voice comes through the radio. "But I'm trapped."

 _Trapped_. The moment of relief Eddie felt flickers, anxiety once again flaring in his gut. “What’s it look like down there?” Eddie asks him. “Can you find a way out?”

“I’ve been looking, but there’s too much debris,” Buck says. “No way can I get through this on my own. Not when I’m…”

“When you’re what?” Eddie asks. “Are you hurt?”

“If Chim is there, you can tell him he’s not the only one on the team to have a run-in with rebar,” Buck says. 

Eddie’s eyes widen,” Rebar? How bad is it? How deep did it go?”

“Not that deep,” Buck says. “It would be just a scratch but…”

He doesn’t have to finish. Eddie already knows. “The blood thinners.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re going to get you out of there,” Eddie tells him. “Just hold on.”

“I’m doing my best,” Buck tells him.

“How’s the woman?” Eddie asks.

“Unconscious,” Buck says. “Think she hit her head on the way down, but she’s breathing. I don’t see blood. She’s going to need to go to the hospital though, in case there’s an internal bleed.”

Bobby walks up to him, already geared up and ready to go in. “You get Buck?”

Eddie nods, “He says he’s trapped. He’s bleeding. Got scraped with a piece of rebar. The woman with him is unconscious. Breathing, but there could be an internal bleed.”

Bobby nods and holds out his hand for the radio, “Buck, it’s Bobby. We’re coming in to get you. I want you to go down three channels. No one else is using that one. Eddie will have the radio and be with you the whole time. Alright?”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Switching now.”

“Why are we switching channels?” Eddie asks, watching as Bobby turns the dial down three places.

“That’ll give you two a little more privacy,” Bobby tells him. "Hen, Chim, you're with me.”

Eddie frowns, "What about me?"

"You're staying here," Bobby tells him. 

"What? No. I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not," Bobby says, his tone leaving no room for argument. "And that's an order, Diaz."

An order from his captain. One Eddie has no right to question. And yet… "What can I do for him from up here?"

Bobby rests a hand on his shoulder, his face sympathetic. "Talk to him. You're his contact, Eddie. You keep him talking until we can get to him. Got it?"

Eddie nods, "Find him."

"We will," Chimney assures him.

"Hello?" That's Buck, his voice coming from the radio Bobby hands back to him. "Am I in the right place? Eddie? God, I didn’t lose you, did I?"

"Talk to him," Bobby says.

Before Eddie has a chance, Buck is speaking again. 

"There are so many things I wish I’d said when I had the chance. Eddie, I… You have to know I..." There's a pause—an intake of breath. Then Buck's voice comes through again. "No, I can't say it now. Not like this."

Eddie inhales sharply. For a moment, it feels like he can't remember how to exhale. Then Buck's name escapes on a breath. 

A hand settles on his shoulder. He doesn't have to look to know it's Bobby. "We'll get him back, Eddie."

Eddie nods, but his eyes are still on the radio. He presses the button and raises it to his lips. "The team is coming for you, Buck. Hold on."

Bobby nods, and then they're setting off into the building. Eddie stands there, alone in the sea of organized chaos around him.

A choked laugh comes through the radio. The only thing tying him to Buck right now. “It’s not like I can go anywhere.”

"Good. That'll make it easier to find you," Eddie says. 

"I suppose."

"How's your side?" Eddie asks him. 

There's silence for a moment, and Eddie waits. Each second seeming to draw on too long. He hates it. Hates it because he knows Buck is using that time to think of a way to minimize the damage, so he doesn't worry him. But he needs to know. 

"Be honest, Buck," Eddie says.

Buck sighs, "It's not good. There's… I lost a lot of blood. I have pressure on it, but it's not doing much."

"How do you feel?"

"Like a building fell on me."

Eddie can almost picture him grinning through the pain. Usually, Eddie would be right there with him. But he's not. He's stuck up here, and he's not there to make sure Buck pulls through this. It's hard to make light of this situation when the man he loves is trapped beneath a building, and Eddie is helpless to save him. 

"I'm gonna need you to be a little more specific," Eddie says.

"Sore as hell. Lightheaded," Buck replies. "It's better if I close my eyes but…"

"Don't," Eddie cuts in. He doesn't have to explain himself. They both know why. If Buck closes his eyes and loses consciousness…

But Eddie can't think that. Buck's going to be okay. They're going to find him. 

"Bobby's on his way," Eddie tells him. "Hen and Chimney too. They'll get you out of there."

"I know," Buck says. Then, "Wish it was you."

Eddie does too. He hates being sidelined with Buck's life on the line. "Apparently I'm too invested and might do something dumb."

Bobby hadn’t said as much, but Eddie could tell from the way he’d looked at him. And he wouldn’t have been wrong if he’d said as much. They all know the lengths Eddie would go to keep Buck safe.

"Who? You?" Buck laughs, and it's followed by a series of coughs. 

Eddie winces at how wet they sound, even through the radio. "Buck?"

"I'm okay," Buck says. They both know he's not. "Just…"

"What?"

"Keep talking to me," Buck says softly.

Eddie's never been much of a talker. But this is Buck asking. He might not be able to go down there and get him. But he can do this. He can be Buck's lifeline from above. 

"About anything in particular?" Eddie asks him. 

"Should have known you'd need a guide," Buck teases. 

"You know I'm not much of a storyteller, Buck."

"Tell me about one of your happiest memories," Buck says. 

The obvious one would be when Christopher was born. But Buck knows that. Eddie doesn't need to say it. But there's another day. A day that would otherwise seem ordinary. Nothing significant. Except it was. Because it’s the day he’d looked at Buck with Christopher and realized just how hard he had fallen for his best friend.

"There was this one day," Eddie says. "A couple years ago, when we took Christopher to the zoo."

"We've taken Christopher to the zoo loads of times," Buck points out. 

"Yeah, but this was special," Eddie says. "He kept talking about how he wanted to see the penguins. And I swear, he spent most of that trip dragging you around from one animal to the next. And kept changing his mind about which one was his favorite. And you never complained once."

"Of course not," Buck says. "He was happy. How could I complain?"

Eddie nods, even though he knows Buck can't see it. His next words get caught in his throat. "You've always been so good with him. You never treated him like he was different. And I… that was the day I realized just how much I…"

"Eddie," Buck whispers. "You don't have to…"

"But I do," Eddie cuts in. "You asked me for my happiest moment, and I'm telling you ,it's the day at the zoo when I looked at you with Christopher, and I realized I wanted more of those days. That no amount of them would ever be enough."

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Eddie goes cold. It's not. Of course it's not. In no universe would Eddie ever be ready to say goodbye to him. "Of course it's not goodbye. It's a reminder that you have something to fight for," Eddie says. "That you have people up here that love you and that are waiting for you."

"Eddie…"

"You are going to be okay," Eddie says. "You know, when I was underground, it was you and Christopher that kept me going. That kept me fighting. So now I need you to find something to fight for."

"Do you really think it wouldn't be you?" Buck asks him. "God, Eddie. I… Eddie…"

"Buck?" Eddie's heart drops when no reply comes. "Buck? Buck, are you with me? Evan!"

He's only met with silence. Eddie presses his forehead against the radio and closes his eyes. "Evan, please. _Please._ I love you."

Eddie knows he should have said it sooner. When Buck could hear him. When Buck was standing in front of him. There were so many times he wanted to. When the words were on the tip of his tongue. But something had always held him back. He'd been afraid. Afraid of losing one of the few good things he had in his life. 

And now Buck is…

No. He can't think that. Buck's okay. He has to be. Bobby, Hen, and Chimney are looking for him. They're going to find him in time. 

"Don't you dare give up, Buck," he says softly into the radio. "We need you here."

"Eddie." The voice that comes through the speaker isn't Buck's, but Bobby's. 

"Cap, do you have him? Is he…?"

"He's unconscious but alive," Bobby says. "We've got him and the girl. She's fine too. Make sure the ambos are ready."

"On it."

He delivers Bobby's message, making sure they have two ambulances ready for transport to the hospital. Then he waits, eyes fixed in the door. He's sure only a few minutes pass, but it feels like hours before the doors open, and the team walks out with two stretchers. Eddie rushes towards them, immediately going to Buck's side. Eddie can tell he's too pale, even with all the dirt coating his skin. 

He walks alongside the stretcher as Hen pushes it towards the ambulance, and he reaches out, instinctively feeling for Buck's pulse, relieved when he feels it steady against his fingers. It’s not even a question that Eddie’s riding with them. He doesn’t stop touching Buck, even as they load him in the back of the ambulance. Then he’s there, by his side, holding his hand as they speed towards the hospital. Hen is saying something, but the words don’t register. 

His fingers find Buck’s pulse again, taking comfort in the fact that it’s still beating a steady rhythm. Slow, but steady. 

Buck’s rushed off once they reach the hospital, and Eddie is left standing there, watching as the doors close and put distance between them. Eddie can’t follow him. Not yet. He hates it. He knows the doctors and nurses will do everything they can to keep him alive, but he hates that he can’t see for himself. 

A hand settles on his shoulder, and he looks over at Chimney, “Buck’s a fighter, Eddie. He’s going to be okay.”

Eddie knows he’s right. But it doesn't stop the knot of fear from staying lodged in his throat. It’ll be there until he sees Buck again. Until he has eyes on him and can see for himself that he’s really going to be okay. 

Eddie’s not sure how much time passes as he sits in the waiting room. The chairs around him slowly fill up, first with the team, then Maddie. Athena arrives sometime after with Michael and the kids. Carla comes by with Christopher at some point, and Eddie hugs him tightly. 

“Can I see Buck?” Christopher asks him.

Eddie hates that he has to tell him no, but the doctor still hasn’t been out with news. “I’m sorry, buddy, but they’re not letting people see him yet.”

“He’s going to be okay,” Christopher says. “Buck’s a fighter.”

Eddie smiles and squeezes the back of his beck, “That’s right. He is. Now I need you to do something for me, okay?”

“What?”

“I need you to go with Carla,” Eddie says. “She’s going to bring you to stay with Pepa for tonight.”

“But I want to stay with you,” Christopher says. “I want to see Buck.”

“I know, buddy. I don’t know how long it will be before we can see him though,” Eddie says. “But I’ll come get you in the morning, and we can see him, okay?”

“Okay, Dad.” 

Eddie hugs him tight and presses a kiss on the top of his head. “I love you, Christopher.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

Eddie stands, “Why don’t you go say hi to Bobby while I talk to Carla real fast?”

“Kay.”

Eddie waits until Christopher has made it to Bobby and Athena before turning back to Carla. “Thank you for bringing him by.”

“I figured you could use the pick-me-up, even if you wouldn’t say it,” Carla says. “There’s really no word on how Buck is doing?”

Eddie shakes his head, “The doctor hasn’t been out yet.”

“He’ll be okay, Eddie,” Carla says. “He’s a fighter, just like Christopher said. And you know, he has a thing or two to live for.”

She winks at him after that, and Eddie shakes his head, “Really?”

“What? I’m just stating the obvious,” Carla says. “Though maybe it would be nice if you let that poor boy know how you feel.”

Eddie sighs, “I know. I will.”

Carla raises an eyebrow, “Is that right?”

“If today taught me anything, it’s that I don’t want to spend another moment without him,” Eddie says. “He deserves to know the truth.”

“I’m proud of you,” Carla says. “No, really, I am. You both deserve to be happy.”

“He just has to pull through this first,” Eddie says, glancing towards the still-closed doors.

“He will,” Carla tells him. “Believe that.”

Eddie has to. He’ll fall apart otherwise. And this Buck. He’s survived so much. There’s no way something like this is going to be the one thing he can’t. 

Carla and Christopher leave shortly after that, and Eddie takes his place next to Maddie. She doesn’t say anything when he sits back down. Just reaches out and takes his hand, and squeezes. He’s grateful for the contact. It grounds him. Stops his head from spinning out of control and thinking the worst. 

When the door’s finally open, Eddie can’t stand. He’s afraid if he does, his legs will crumble beneath him. Instead, he sits there, listening as the doctor gives them an update.

“He lost a lot of blood,” the doctor says. “But he’s stable now. We’re giving him fluids, and we’ve stitched up the cut on his side. Right now, we’re just observing him.”

“When can we see him?” Maddie asks. 

“Now, if you’d like,” the doctor says. “He’s been asking for you.”

Eddie wants to jump up and race down the hall to Buck’s room as soon as they get the all-clear. But he stays put. Maddie should go first. She’s Buck’s sister. She’s family. And Eddie is just… he’s not the priority right now. 

He sits there, head bowed, gaze focused on his hands. The room slowly clears. Every so often, someone will stop and rest a hand on his shoulder and tell him he should go home and get some sleep. Eddie never moves. 

“Eddie, you should go,” Maddie finally approaches him when the room is mostly empty.

“I’m not leaving him,” Eddie tells her.

“I know,” Maddie says. She smiles down at him. “I meant you should go see him. He’s been asking for you.”

“I wanted to give everyone a chance,” Eddie says.

“I know,” Maddie says. “I also know you wanted more time with him. Visiting hours are almost over though, so you should go while you have a chance.”

Eddie nods and gets to his feet. Before he can leave, Maddie pulls him in for a hug. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Eddie asks, confused.

“For loving my brother,” Maddie says. She pulls back and rests a hand on his cheek. “He’s lucky to have you, Eddie.”

“I don’t know about that,” Eddie says. “I couldn’t even…”

“Don’t,” Maddie cuts in. “Don’t even think about blaming yourself. You kept him talking.”

“Not long enough,” Eddie mutters.

“It was,” Maddie says. “He wasn’t alone down there because of you. That’s enough. Now, you need to pull your head out of your ass and go talk to him. He’s already driving his nurse crazy, saying he wants to go home.”

“Isn’t that a little soon?” Eddie asks.

“They haven’t admitted him,” Maddie says. “So he thinks that means he’s in the clear to go.”

“Of course he does,” Eddie sighs.

“Try and talk some sense into him, will you?”

“I’ll do my best,” Eddie tells her.

He walks the familiar path into the emergency department, searching the brightly lit room for Buck. 

“Can I help you?” one of the nurses at the desk asks him.

“I’m looking for Evan Buckley,” Eddie tells the man.

“Last room on the left,” the nurse tells him.

Eddie nods his thanks and heads in the direction the nurse told him. He peeks into the curtain, wanting to make sure it’s really Buck in the bed before walking in. He has his eyes closed, but it’s clearly him. He looks a little better than the last time Eddie saw him, but still pale. Eddie thinks it might be the lights. 

“Buck?” Eddie says, stepping inside the curtain and then closing it.

Buck’s eyes open, and he smiles when they land on Eddie. “Eddie. I thought maybe you’d gone home.”

“You know I wouldn’t leave without seeing you,” Eddie says. He takes the seat next to the bed and rests his hands on his knees. He has to stop himself from reaching out and taking Buck’s hand. 

“Still took you long enough to come back here,” Buck says, frowning.

And Eddie can’t have that. “You know I wanted to as soon as they said you could have visitors.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Figured Maddie should see you first,” Eddie says. “She is family and most important.”

“You’re important too, Eddie,” Buck says. “You…”

“What is it?” Eddie asks him.

“You kept me alive,” Buck says.

Eddie shakes his head, “Buck, I just talked to you.”

“There is no _just_ about it,” Buck argues. “I don’t know how long I would have been able to stay conscious without your voice. Even after I lost consciousness, I thought I could still hear you. But…” 

Eddie swallows. If that’s true, then that means he heard everything. Things Buck deserved to hear under different circumstances. 

“I was still talking,” Eddie says after a moment. “Trying to get you to wake up. God Buck, I was terrified. You just stopped talking, and I was stuck up there and couldn’t see you or…”

Buck’s the one to reach out, his palm up on the bed. Eddie doesn’t hesitate before placing his hand in Buck’s. Buck squeezes. “I know what that’s like.” Of course he does. Eddie had heard how much Buck lost it when the ground caved in on him. Hell, he’d even seen it on the news. And there had been no way to communicate then. “I know what that fear is like,” Buck goes on. “To worry that you’ll never get to see someone again. That you’ll never have a chance to tell them… tell them how you really feel.”

Eddie’s eyes raise to meet his, “Buck…”

“Eddie, you have to know…”

A knock sounds on the door, and Eddie barely fights back a groan. “I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over.”

Buck sighs and rests his head back against the pillow. He gives Eddie a wry smile. “To be continued.”

Eddie nods, “I’ll come back in the morning.”

“You better,” Buck tells him.

“I’ll bring Christopher,” Eddie says. “I know he’s been asking about you.”

Buck nods, “Yeah, tell him not to worry too much, alright?”

Eddie stands up, and then before he can talk himself out of it, leans down and kisses Buck’s forehead. “Get some sleep.”

“How can I possibly after that?” Buck jokes. 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way,” Eddie tells him. “Goodnight, Buck.”

“Goodnight, Eddie.”

* * *

Eddie lies awake that night, his eyes fixed in the ceiling. His mind is only on one thing: Buck. 

Buck far too pale in the fluorescent lights of the hospital. Buck trapped underground, and Eddie unable to get to him. Buck smiling the moment Eddie walked into the room, as if that’s all he’d needed to make the night better. The warmth of Buck’s hand against his, and the feeling of his skin against Eddie’s lips even for that brief moment. Buck, Buck, Buck. 

Eddie’s phone vibrates on his nightstand, and he frowns. It’s going on three a.m. now. Far too late for a social call. His confusion turns to concern when he sees a text from Maddie.

“Please tell me you’re awake.”

Well, that doesn’t help ease any of his worries. He shoots back a quick reply. “I am. What’s going on?”

“It’s Buck,” Maddie replies. And instantly, Eddie is on the alert. His covers are pushed back, and his legs are swung off the bed onto the floor before her second text even comes through. “He checked himself out of the hospital and went home. I know it’s a lot to ask, but could you go check on him?”

“I’m on my way,” Eddie tells her.

Buck’s probably fine. But he knows it’ll ease both their worries for Eddie to check to make sure. 

“Thank you,” Maddie sends back. “If he’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I’ll just feel better knowing you’re there.”

Eddie doesn’t bother changing out of his sweats and t-shirt. He just throws on his shoes, grabs his keys and wallet, and runs out of the door to his truck. Of course Buck would check himself out of the hospital before they were ready to release him.

The lights are off when he pulls up outside, but Eddie can see the low flickering light from the TV. Buck's either still up or fell asleep watching TV again. Either one is likely. 

Eddie uses his key to let himself in on the chance that Buck is sleeping. Part of Eddie hopes he is. He needs it after today. 

But Eddie also desperately needs to see those eyes looking at him. Needs to see the life inside them and chase away this fear still gripping at his chest.

"Well, I know you're not a burglar since you used a key," Buck's voice comes from the living room. A moment later, he steps into view. He raises an eyebrow but otherwise doesn't look the least bit surprised to see Eddie. "Knew it had to be you."

"You did?"

"Who else would be sneaking into my apartment in the middle of the night?" Buck questions.

That's a good point. 

"Sorry," Eddie says. He rubs the back of his neck. "I just… I needed to see you."

And that’s not technically true. Maddie had asked Eddie to come check on him. Though truthfully, Eddie had wanted to see him regardless. He’d hated having to leave Buck alone in the hospital and had been fully prepared to go back as soon as visiting hours allowed. Sure, he’d planned to stop by and get Christopher from Pepa on the way. But that can wait until morning.

For now, he needs this time alone with Buck.

"Let me get a shirt on, and we can talk," Buck says. 

When he moves to the stairs, Eddie follows. He just has this feeling he needs to keep him in his sight. Afraid that if he doesn't, Buck will just disappear. Buck doesn't question it. Eddie watches in silence as he moves to the dresser to find a shirt. It's then that Eddie's eyes zero in on the bandage on Buck's side. 

Eddie moves. He takes the shirt in Buck's hands and tosses it back in the dresser. Buck's eyebrows pinch in confusion. "Eddie, what?"

Eddie just shakes his head. He can't speak. The words won't come. Instead, he gently urges Buck back towards the bed until his legs hit the side, and he gets the point to sit down. 

Eddie falls to his knees in front of him, and Buck inhales sharply, "Eddie…"

Buck's skin is warm as Eddie reaches out and touches it. His fingers tracing around the bandage as if this is the one thing keeping Buck alive. He knows it's not. Knows the doctors fixed him up, and this is just to let the wound heal. But his mind isn't on the side of logic right now. 

His arms wrap around Buck's middle as he rests his head on Buck's chest, right over his heart. He can hear it beating a steady rhythm against his ribcage. Eddie's been holding it together pretty well until now. But the moment he feels Buck's hand carding through his hair as he softly assures him he's okay, Eddie breaks. His shoulders start to shake as the tears he's been holding in finally fall. 

"It's okay," Buck says. "I'm okay. I'm here."

And he is. He's here. He's warm and solid and alive in Eddie's arms. "Buck…"

"Shh, it's okay," Buck whispers. "We're okay."

Eddie doesn’t feel okay when Buck moves back. His eyes snap open, and he looks at Buck in a panic. Buck just smiles gently and takes Eddie's hands, urging him to follow as he lies back against the mattress. And Eddie does. Of course he does. He would follow Buck anywhere.

Eddie's hovering over him now, careful not to put his weight in Buck's injured side. His arms bracket either side of Buck's head as he looks down at him, taking him in. 

He's imagined being here with Buck so many times. But this is different. Bigger. The air around them is charged, as if they're balancing on the edge of something. And they are. They have been for a long time now. 

But unlike all those other times, Eddie isn't afraid. The fear came earlier when Buck had been trapped, and Eddie thought he might lose him. But now, here, looking down at Buck he's not afraid. He knows that when he takes that leap, Buck is going to be right there with him. 

So he does.

He leans down and kisses Buck like a man starving for air, and Buck's the only thing that can make him breathe again. Because he is. Eddie spent so much of today holding his breath as he waited to know Buck was okay. Now that he has Buck warm and alive beneath him, it finally feels like he can breathe again. Buck’s okay. He’s safe. 

He doesn’t realize he’s crying again until Buck pulls back. He takes Eddie’s face in his hands and wipes the tears away, but more fall in their place. “Are you going to cry every time we kiss?” Buck teases.

Eddie huffs out a laugh, “Maybe.”

“You might give a guy a complex,” Buck says. “Make me think I’m doing something wrong.”

Eddie’s hands move up to cover Buck’s, and he looks down at him, face serious. “There is nothing wrong about this, Buck. You’re perfect.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say…”

“You _are_ ,” Eddie says. “You’re smart, and you’re funny. You have the biggest heart out of anyone I know, and you love so fiercely. And I… I love you, Evan Buckley. Every part of you.” Eddie’s eyes widen in alarm with Buck sniffles, and tears slip past his eyes. “Buck? Did I say something wrong or…?”

“No,” Buck says, shaking his head as he smiles. “No. Of course not. These are happy tears. Because I… You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

Eddie smiles, “I will say it every day for the rest of our lives.”

“Big promise,” Buck says.

“I intend to keep it,” Eddie says. “If you’ll let me.”

“Of course I will,” Buck says. He leans in and kisses Eddie softly. “I love you, too.”

Then they’re kissing again. It’s slow, intoxicating. It’s a heady feeling, kissing Buck. Having his hands trail down his back and then up under his shirt. Eddie groans when his nails rake across his skin, and Buck chuckles.

“The doctor said I should be taking it easy,” Buck murmurs against his lips. “But you’re making it hard.”

“Seems like it,” Eddie teases, letting his weight fall down against Buck before lifting up again.

Buck laughs and smacks his ass. “Asshole.”

Eddie grins and kisses his nose, “I should probably get home.”

Buck frowns, “You want to leave?”

“Want to? No. But…”

“Then stay,” Buck says, tightening his arms around him. “Just to sleep.”

Eddie does like the thought of falling asleep with Buck, “yeah?” 

“Absolutely,” Buck says. “Because now that I have you in my bed, I’m going to have trouble letting you out of here.”

“And here I thought we were just sleeping,” Eddie laughs.

“Oh, we are,” Buck says. “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m a big cuddler. And I’ve been dreaming about those arms of yours.”

“Well, it is late,” Eddie muses. “The responsible thing would be for me to stay.”

“Absolutely,” Buck says. He leans in and starts placing soft kisses across Eddie’s face. “And then, I can wake you up with kisses and make us breakfast.” 

“I do like the sound of that,” Eddie says.

“Good,” Buck says. “Because this will be a regular thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm, now that I have you, I’m not letting you go.”

“Is that right? 

"Yep. You're stuck with me."

"Hmm, maybe you're the one that's stuck with me," Eddie teases.

"You can't be stuck somewhere if you love where you are," Buck says.

Eddie's heart swells, full of love and affection for the man beneath him. "I love being with you, Buck."

Buck yawns, and then his eyes widen. “Okay, that has nothing to do with you or this conversation. I’m just…”

“It’s been a long day,” Eddie says. “We both need sleep.”

Eddie rolls off him, onto his back, and Buck pouts. At least until Eddie opens his arms, and Buck grins and slides into them. He curls around him and rests his head on Eddie’s chest. It feels right having Buck in his arms like this. Like they’re two pieces slotting together—a perfect fit.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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